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Have you ever wished that you was someone that you’re not? Have you ever wished that you were perfect in every aspect of life? Have you ever wished that people would notice the good you do, and not always the bad?

Yeah, welcome to my world…

I’m sorry I can’t live up to everyone’s standards. I am only me, and I wish that people would just accept that. I’m not my brothers. I’m not a conformist. I am not a genius. I’m not book-smart. I actually find myself somewhat dumb. I’m not one who can make sense out of the simplest things in life, I actually make more sense out of the complexity of life. I’m not one to follow the crowd, nor jump on the “bandwagon.” I find myself very unique in my own ways. I don’t have friends just to take up time. I don’t date just to take up time. I put my emotions into everything I do. What’s life if you don’t live it? I’m not the skinniest, or prettiest person on Earth. I don’t try to impress people. I don’t think I should have to, because if people weren’t so judgemental they would be impressed with who I am now. I have some skills that some people would find weird. I just think that they’re unique. Some might call me a geek, or a nerd, but I don’t think I conform to either of those labels. That’s another thing…Labels, what’s the use in those? If I have friends that I hang out with that belong to certain groups that’s fine too. I don’t have to hang out with a certain group just because of the way I dress. I have friends that are rednecks, jocks, nerds, preps, etc.

I’m sorry that I don’t please my brothers and my mother, because I’m not college-material. As the looks of it right now, I’m not going to qualify for the HOPE SCHOLARSHIP. I’m maintaining a ‘C’ GPA. So yes, that makes me a ‘C’ student. I’m sorry I don’t make sense of the problem: x(2)+y(4-2)=0. I make sense out of the neccesities in life. I make sense out of what I will use in the long run. Yes, if I could do things different my first three years of highschool, I would. No, I don’t regret a minute of my highschool years. I don’t feel like I should. Yes, I feel like a worthless piece of crap right now, because I’m not the smartest person in the world. Yes, I only got an 800 on the old SAT the first time I took it. No, I haven’t attempted a second try at it. No, I haven’t studied for it, and I don’t plan to. If I’m not smart enough to pass it on my own, then what’s the use and studying, and showing colleges that I had to study in order to pass it. No, I probably wont get accepted into the college that I want. I can live with that. Right now I don’t even feel like going to college. Just when I thought I had everything figured out, I crash right back into the brick wall that I just got back up from. I fear that If I try climbing the brick wall, that it will just grow higher, and higher. Seems there is no way around that wall either. When I’m with certain people, I know who I am. When I’m with other people, I have no clue. I wish people would see the good that I do, and not the bad. I don’t like people that only see the bad. I was at a Joel Osteen Concert thing, and he said if you only allow yourself to see the bad, then THAT’s what you’re going to see. I wish that these certain people would allow theirselves to see the GOOD sometimes.

I just hope that these certain people know that they’re driving me away from them, when they only see the bad that I do. I don’t do nothing extremely bad. The worse thing I’ve ever done is skip school without Mom knowing. Everyone’s like no that isnt, you’ve drank before. Yes, I’ve drank before, but I don’t find it extremely bad, because when I did drink, my Mom and Dad was there, along with the rest of my family. So, I don’t think that’s the worst thing I have ever done. I just would like to apologize to the people that are described above. I’m sorry that you feel the way you do, and NO I’m not apologizing for someone that I am not. I will say this though.

I say:

If you don’t start recognizing good sometimes, and always the bad, You’ll find yourself doing bad, and never good.

Well, I got to go. I’m skipping first block today, but Mama knows so it’s all good. It’s 9:04, and I need to finish getting ready.

Until next time —

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