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Monthly Archives: January 2006

For the one that went to bed earlier and didn’t get the annoucement that it was
on my myspace…aka Abby

Spreadin’ The Lunatic Love
By:
Rebekah Wigley

Lunatics till death do us part,
It’s like a
robber who stole all our hearts.
Nothing else better,
Nothing else
greater
Its so small
Yet nothing will shatter
This bond that to
some
Dont even matter.

Fans by choice,
Sisters by fate,
It’s
something so small
that only God can create.

First the parkin’
lot,
then the nacho fight
Whats next,
Diana’s resting spot?

A
knife and a basketball,
In walgreens stands the aisles so tall.
Galbladder
malfunctions,
In the hospital for somethin’
Blow-drying armpits,
The
Big Pink Ball,
And The Nerf Gun a kit,
What’s left,
Dixie and Rosie
attacking your shit?

First off there is no “e” in cheesy,
It’s like
Kathy yelling, “TAKE IT EASY!”
Oh why does Bethany have to be so
sleezy?
Its mastering the art of being Teasy.

Paige is the next Aflac
Voice-over,
Is Diana’s house the next we hover,
to spread Toilet paper all
over?
Operation Overload is the game,
For Lunatics is our name.

“We
some crazy ass mothafuckas,”
What’s up with Paige saying,
Ha Ha,
sucka!!!???
You’re 19 acting so silly,
C’mon, I mean really.

“Lord
I apologize,”
For it’s the Lunatics,
The object of our “highs,”
For
it’s Fanny we all despise.

For the internet’s so great,
It makes you
appreciate
that you can look up and call
The greatest of them
all.

The lucky number will always be 26,
As for prank
calling,
That’s our Friday night fix.
For us the jokes live on,
in this
timeless ending rhyme.

Fans by choice,
Sisters by fate,
It’s
something so small
that only God can create.

Lunatics till death do us
part,
It’s like a robber who stole all our hearts.
Nothing else
better,
Nothing else greater
Its so small
Yet nothing will
shatter
This bond that to some
Dont even matter.

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It was my cousin’s innocence of youth that saved me tonight,
as I made my way through life,
It wasn’t until today that I, as a person can say,
That the truth is hard to convey.

Do yall want to go to church is the question I asked,
One of my cousins answered,
and the other two just passed.

It was the willingness of the Lord she wanted to learn,
but as for me,
It was the Lord that I needed to yearn.

The innocence of youth is often misused or misled,
but it’s what cleared the thoughts,
The ones in my head.

So thanks Tiff for making me whole,
it’s your innocence that fills my soul.

I
accepted Jesus Christ into my heart in January of 1998. I had just
turned nine in November. I felt it was right, and I still feel that way
till this day. God was pulling on my heartstrings, and I knew it was
something that I was ready to do. I was raised in church and I knew
right from wrong. I knew it was something that I wanted to do. After my
conversion, I knew it was the best decision I could ever make. My life
changed greatly, the experience was amazing, and the feeling inside me
was unbelievable. Having Jesus in my heart I can finally say that God
is great. He has been the greatest impact in my life, because without
Him I wouldn’t have triumphed through life’s trials and tribulations.
In II Timothy 1:8 it says, “Therefore do not be ashamed of the
testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the
sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God.”

My
family has always been devoted. We were once that were strong in our
faith. I at least thought so. Life was going well and the years passed.
The year was 2000, and I never would have thought that my parents would
have gotten a divorce. Twenty-three years of marriage and now a
divorce. That’s what got us out of church. The depression in our house
was unbearable. I couldn’t get myself or my mom out of bed to go to
church. Years went by and the further away from the church we found
ourselves. The divorce was final and that’s when I really lost myself.
I didn’t know who I was. I just went along with the flow of life never
trying to find it. Years went by and I kept getting pressured with
people asking me different questions. I couldn’t answer any of them,
like most of the other kids could. I found myself driving myself away
from my studies, I just didn’t care anymore.

There
were three questions I couldn’t answer; Who I was, where I wanted to go
in life, and who I wanted to become. After surviving a four-wheeler
accident, and taking two vacations this past summer, I started looking
at my life through a different perspective. Surviving the accident and
getting a second chance at life, I realized that God had a plan for me,
a plan that I wouldn’t want to experience without Him. Watching the
sunrises, the sunsets, and watching the space shuttle, Discovery,
launch from NASA while there on the beach made me realize how much I
have a chance at life. How much I can make of myself and how successful
I can be. I didn’t expect the vacations to change me or have any effect
on me whatsoever, but I’m glad they did.

While
on my vacation in Daytona, I experienced something that was so small,
and as some would say, meaningless. I thought it was very powerful. At
the hotel we were staying at there were a nest of birds and their
mother. I watched the babies grow throughout the week I was there.
Three babies, one mother. On that Wednesday, two of the birds ventured
off and learned how to fly. FOr the one bird that was left, it didn’t
come so easy, but it never gave up. Each day I watched it crash right
back onto the ground. Day after day it never lost hope. It was
determined it was going to learn how to fly, learn how to be successful
in life. Days turned to nights and before I knew it, it was getting
close to the end of my vacation. We had to leave out the next day. As I
sat on the balcony I watched the bird attempt another try. Another
attempt failed. That’s when I put my whole life into perspective. I
finally could answer the three questions I once wasn’t able to answer.
As the sun was setting on the beach that day. I watched the bird take
the last attempt at flying. It lifted up, and it flew! The bird is what
told me to never lose hope, to dream big, because the reward is going
to be wonderful. God was there with the bird and me that day. He has
always been there before that day, and He will always be there for me
in the future. I feel that experiencing that with Him marked a new day.
A new day, a new person is what it seems. Our relationship grew and it
has grown even stronger since then.

A
new day, a new person is what has stuck in my head since the vacation.
It’s a new day and you get another chance at life. It’s another chance
to beat the odds against you. Since the summer I found my niche. If you
were to ask me my outlooks on life right now I could answer them. If
you would have asked me that question a year ago I wouldn’t have known
where to begin. I pour my heart and soul into everything I do and I
hope that in the end it will pay off. Being passionate has been one of
the many gifts I have received from God. I’m a changed person, and for
the better.

Day
after day my faith in God gets stronger. I turn to him more now than I
ever have. I keep getting the question, “have you been baptized?” No, I
haven’t been baptized. I was supposed to get baptized when I was ten. I
had everything planned out, and my grandmother was supposed to be
there. She ended up having a stroke and was bed-ridden for nineteen
months at my house. The bitterness I had only drove me away. She
eventually died, and I just haven’t found the courage to do it. I now
feel that the time is right and I should be getting baptized in a few
months.

Where
I stand today with God is where I have always wanted to be. I am a firm
believer and I thank Him everyday for all that he has given me. I have
found an everlasting home at my current church, and making the
transition felt so right. God has blessed my life in so many ways and I
am forever grateful. I am anticipating the day that I get baptized, the
day that will forever seal the small gap between God and me. I can’t
wait to see the future path that He has laid out for me and the life
that He will have me lead. I Timothy 4:12 says, “Let no one despise
your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in
love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” I am His sheep, and His sheep
forever I will be.

 

It was definitely weird watching ourselves back on tv just being there for it a
couple of months ago. But the only thing that was different was we actually saw
Diana’s face. Although if I would have stayed where I was at, I wouldda had the
perfect view, but anyways. They editted out everything we said, including the
“Dreamteam Loves You.” Yes, I know, it sucks.

But it was definitely
cool to see it on TV.

Dude, yall don’t know how epphin happy I am that I don’t have to go to night
school. I’m the happiest person on this earth. Wait, the most ecstatic person on
this Earth. So I came out with a 74 in the class and I couldn’t be nothing but
happy. I know that sounds bad but I absolutely mean it. I now have meaning to
wake up in the mornings, have meaning in my life, I can smile like I once did
(and everyday at that), I think I’m getting back to being the old
Bekah.

Anyways, just thought’d I would share the good news to anyone
I haven’t told already…

It wasn’t until January 5th when I saw the direction where my life was headed…

Sometimes
I find myself in deep thought asking myself “why do things always
happen the way they do?” I know that everything happens for a reason
and that you grow as a person from the experiences in your life. I mean
it’s not everyday that you face the hardest thing in your life that
you’ll have to overcome. Its the metamorphic phase that you will go
through that will change your being for the rest of your time on this
earth. It mesmerizes some but as for the person its taking place with,
it’s all overwhelming.

During
this inner-changing phase the person tends to push away the people and
things they love the most. They don’t mean to but dealing with
everything on top of this experience they have on their plate is
fulfilling and exhausting. We try not to hurt the people, nor push them
away, but it’s the only thing we know how to do because it seems it’s
the easiest thing to do at the time to make it easier on ourselves. We
try to fix the things and the people we hurt, and yet everything we
find ourselves saying sounds just like the reoccuring thoughts in our
head. The words come out jumbled and fast and confusing. The words
always make things worse and never better.

With
it being overwhelming it allows us to lose hope a lot quicker than
others. A few months back I begun to lose hope. Self-doubt has always
been a self issue with me and losing hope didn’t make it any better.
Doubting myself led to worse things and more stuff got thrown my way
and thats when the levy broke, I lost the last bit of hope I had left.
Losing hope has been the biggest life-altering experience I have faced.
As I walk down the hallways in our school I feel worthless and small,
scared and cowardly. Cowardly is the only way you can feel when
self-doubt and hopelessness lingers over your head. The cowardly
feeling is unchangable, irreversable, and everlasting; Everlasting
until you regain that hope back.

That’s
what the next phase in my life is going be: rebuilding and regainging.
Rebuilding the self-esteem I lack. Rebuilding the relationships and
people that I’ve hurt previously. Regaining my self composure.
Regaining my hope back so I feel worthy in some aspect of life.
Redevoting myself to God, because when I lost hope I began to lose hope
and trust in the only threshold to my future. Without that threshold
I’d have nothing.

I
cannot control the changes that are occuring but only accept them. It’s
not the changes that I want, it’s the changes that God wants me to
have. It’s going to be a life-altering experience and a “Mountain Top
Experience” for me. I anticipate when that day comes, for I know others
that feel this way too. Whatever happens is going to be best for me and
it’s something that has to be done.

So here’s to the metamorphic phase in my life…and a new start in 2006..

“Fly”Any moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of your yesterday.Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can’t in life,
And start to try, cause it’s your time,
Time to fly.

All your worries, leave them somewhere else,
Find a dream you can follow,
Reach for something, when there’s nothing left,
And the world’s feeling hollow.

Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can’t in life,
And start to try, cause it’s your time,
Time to fly.

And when you’re down and feel alone,
Just want to run away,
Trust yourself and don’t give up,
You know you better than anyone else,

Any moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of yesterday,

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can’t in life,
And start to try,
Fly
Forget about the reasons why you can’t in life,
And start to try, cause it’s your time,
Time to fly.

In a moment, everything can change.

 


In a moment, everything can change.

 
 

 

January 1, 2006

My Life in 2005

 

Overall I think this has been the most disgraceful year of my life. I feel I
am the worst person on this Earth for even writing that because I know you
should be thankful for everyday that you get to live. If I could go back there
would be a lot of things that I would do different, things I would have left
unsaid, people I would have never hurt, and things I would have never done to
begin with. I look back on these times that have now past and wonder if I am
going to do them again in the future. I beat myself up about them because I’ve
never let them go. They say you shouldn’t hang onto your past but there is
something in me that isn’t allowing me to let go.

In the past year I’ve let not only myself down but others as well. I not only
hurt myself but I hurt others in the process and I feel like I’ve failed in all
aspects of life. I’ve only done enough to get by and not once have I tried doing
something with an open mind. I lost every ounce of motivation that I once had
and that left me in disgrace, humiliation, degradation, dishonor, and ignominy.
Self-degradation hovers over my head and I have the constant fear that people
can see it as if it were a ghost following me. I feel as if “pot-scum” is my
first name.

In the past six months I watched my best friend hit rock bottom, slip through
the cracks, and fall some more. I left her hanging, provided no support, treated
her like pure crap, and watched her suffer through absolute pure misery. I made
her swallow her ever-loving pride, pierced her ego, and sucker-punched her in
the stomach more than once. I watched her lose everything with my own two eyes,
I watched her walk around as an empty shell, and watched her get treated like
crap by the people she cared most for. I was there when she lost everyone in her
life person-by-person. I was also there when she lost everything in her life
piece-by-piece. I saw her lose herself, her security, and her composure while I
still had all that from her helping me discover it.

This past semester of school I gave up on myself half-way through and didn’t
go out with a fighting chance. I gave up without even caring. I never once
looked beyond that to see what I could have gotten out of the experience. I lost
whatever motivation I had, lost myself, and then gave up. I was too cowardly to
attend class because I figured I had no use when I made a few lousy test grades
that made my average suffer. I know someone in the same situation that made
awful grades on every test she took but she still gave herself hope thinking the
next one would be different. She ended up failing the class, but I do know that
she went out fighting. I was too stubborn to oversee the failing test scores and
too stubborn to at least leave the class knowing that I tried my hardest.

I turned my relationship with my mother absolutely the complete opposite of
what it was. She was the one person I was actually close to and the one person
that I could talk to about anything. I was too oblivious to recognize that I
cared nothing about anyone but myself and my friends. I turned away my mother
and my family just to have fun with my friends. Someone once said to me, “It’s
your senior year, the last year to do the things that you love to do with your
friends. It only happens once and your mother should understand.” I can see
where they were coming from but I took that quote too far. I was spending no
time with my mother whatsoever. I saw her possibly a couple minutes out of the
entire day. I bad-mouthed her, disrespected her and I didn’t have an absolute
care as to what I was doing. It wasn’t until a few weeks before my eighteenth
birthday I realized why her and I fought everyday out of the week.

I guess if I’ve learned anything in the past year, it was about the people
and the things that I care about most. I realized I needed to get my priorities
straight and this is what the new year is for. To work on my priorities,
rekindling relationships that I’ve thrown in the dirt, and doing many things
different. If there is one thing that I am thankful for most out of this past
year, it’s for the people that still have faith in me and the one’s that haven’t
turned their backs on me throughout everything I’ve done to them. Here’s to a
new year, a new start, and a better person. This is definitely a vow to myself
because if I haven’t done one thing right in the past year then this is
definitely something I can consider right for the new year. I guess these are
just “Lessons Learned.”


Rebekah Wigley