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It wasn’t until January 5th when I saw the direction where my life was headed…

Sometimes
I find myself in deep thought asking myself “why do things always
happen the way they do?” I know that everything happens for a reason
and that you grow as a person from the experiences in your life. I mean
it’s not everyday that you face the hardest thing in your life that
you’ll have to overcome. Its the metamorphic phase that you will go
through that will change your being for the rest of your time on this
earth. It mesmerizes some but as for the person its taking place with,
it’s all overwhelming.

During
this inner-changing phase the person tends to push away the people and
things they love the most. They don’t mean to but dealing with
everything on top of this experience they have on their plate is
fulfilling and exhausting. We try not to hurt the people, nor push them
away, but it’s the only thing we know how to do because it seems it’s
the easiest thing to do at the time to make it easier on ourselves. We
try to fix the things and the people we hurt, and yet everything we
find ourselves saying sounds just like the reoccuring thoughts in our
head. The words come out jumbled and fast and confusing. The words
always make things worse and never better.

With
it being overwhelming it allows us to lose hope a lot quicker than
others. A few months back I begun to lose hope. Self-doubt has always
been a self issue with me and losing hope didn’t make it any better.
Doubting myself led to worse things and more stuff got thrown my way
and thats when the levy broke, I lost the last bit of hope I had left.
Losing hope has been the biggest life-altering experience I have faced.
As I walk down the hallways in our school I feel worthless and small,
scared and cowardly. Cowardly is the only way you can feel when
self-doubt and hopelessness lingers over your head. The cowardly
feeling is unchangable, irreversable, and everlasting; Everlasting
until you regain that hope back.

That’s
what the next phase in my life is going be: rebuilding and regainging.
Rebuilding the self-esteem I lack. Rebuilding the relationships and
people that I’ve hurt previously. Regaining my self composure.
Regaining my hope back so I feel worthy in some aspect of life.
Redevoting myself to God, because when I lost hope I began to lose hope
and trust in the only threshold to my future. Without that threshold
I’d have nothing.

I
cannot control the changes that are occuring but only accept them. It’s
not the changes that I want, it’s the changes that God wants me to
have. It’s going to be a life-altering experience and a “Mountain Top
Experience” for me. I anticipate when that day comes, for I know others
that feel this way too. Whatever happens is going to be best for me and
it’s something that has to be done.

So here’s to the metamorphic phase in my life…and a new start in 2006..

“Fly”Any moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of your yesterday.Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can’t in life,
And start to try, cause it’s your time,
Time to fly.

All your worries, leave them somewhere else,
Find a dream you can follow,
Reach for something, when there’s nothing left,
And the world’s feeling hollow.

Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can’t in life,
And start to try, cause it’s your time,
Time to fly.

And when you’re down and feel alone,
Just want to run away,
Trust yourself and don’t give up,
You know you better than anyone else,

Any moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of yesterday,

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can’t in life,
And start to try,
Fly
Forget about the reasons why you can’t in life,
And start to try, cause it’s your time,
Time to fly.

In a moment, everything can change.

 


In a moment, everything can change.

 
 

 

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