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How come everytime we stop to look at our future and where it leads,
we find ourselves set back 10 miles from where we began?

As I’ve sat here for the past two days wondering how to answer this question
I find myself drawing blanks. As I think of how to answer this question I ask
myself, “If I can’t even answer this simple question how do I even know that I
have a promising future?”

I used to be afraid of so many things, that I’d never grow up, that I’d be
trapped in the same place for all eternity, that my dreams would forever be shy
of my reach. It’s true what they say, time plays tricks on you. One day you’re
dreaming, the next your dream has become your reality.

Now that the scared little girl no longer follows me wherever I go, I miss
her. I do. Because there are things that I want to tell her, to relax, to
lighten up, that it is all going to be okay.

I want her to know that meeting people who actually except you for who you
are will become an increasingly rare occurrence. Paige, Bethany, Katie, Abby,
Jennifer, Caitlyn, Sonja, these people who contributed to who I am they are with
me where ever I go. As history gets rewritten in smalls way with each passing
day my love for them only grows, because the truth is, it was the best of

Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned, but all that
has receded into fond memory now. How does it happen? Why are we so quick to
forget the bad and romanticizes the good? Maybe it’s because we need to believe
that the time we spent together actually meant something. That we were there for
each other in a time in our lives that defined us all. That time of our lives
that we will never forget. I can’t swear that’s exactly how it happened. but
this is how it felt.

So the only thing I could think of that unites us all, that we all have in
common, is that we start out in kindergarten thinking we can be anything we want
to be and by the time we get here we’ve all lost that feeling, we’ve all started
to believe. Whatever our friends or our parents have told us about what we can
achieve in life and who we can be.

We’ve forgotten about the possibility we had when we were younger, that’s the
one thing we all have in common. So the symbol of us means, possibility, as we
live it’s a little daily reminder of the fact that if you believe in yourself
even when the odds seem stacked against you that anything is possible.

Your whole life is about to change in a way that it will never be the same
again. Your opening a new chapter, and you have to give a proper goodbye to the
old one. You dont want to miss these moments even the sad ones, because you’ll
never get them back again. So enjoy this time, let it wash over you so that your
memories of it are strong. Have faith that things will work out for the best,
that whatever sent us off in different directions is the very same thing that
will bring us back together.

We talk like we know what’s going on, but we don’t. We don’t know anything.
We’re really young and we’re gonna screw-up a lot. We’re gonna keep changing our
minds and even sometimes our hearts. And through all that, the only real thing
we can offer each other is forgiveness. At a certain point the whole thing just
becomes too much to process and your brain gets taken out of the loop. All you
have to rely on is your heart, your natural human instincts. It’s liberating.
Not at first of course; At first it’s terrifying, like falling, but that’s the
point, isn’t it?

This is one of those rare milestone events that separates the first half
of your life from everything that follows.
All the really exciting things in
life require more courage than we currently have. A deep breath and a leap. The
kind of fear you’re talking about sometimes it’s how we know that it’s
worthwhile. What you think you’re leaving behind here, it’s just going to be
that much bigger when you return. Friends give you the worst of news with the
best of intentions, where everything is said in silence because the emotion
behind what we really want to say is just too overwhelming. If I’m thanking you
for anything it’s for being yourself. It’s for not caring what anybody else
thinks. It’s for knowing in your own heart what’s wrong and what’s

That’s something I wrote to Bethany in an email the other day. I went back
and re-read what I wrote, because being the weird person that I am I never read
stuff before I send it, print it, or post it. I’ll second-guess my writing and I
wont get anywhere. Sort of like now.

Upon reading it I was shocked to see so many answers to questions I’ve asked
numerous times. It’s amazing how we read, write, and even say things and its a
shame how we don’t linger and hold on to each other’s every word like we should.
Humans are powerful beyond reason.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our
deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is
our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your
playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing
enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in
some of us; it is in


And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated
from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates


Every Wednesday during Bible study Miz Charlotte always has something that I
take home with me to think about. For the past three weeks we’ve been talking in
deep conversation about listening to your heart. Everyday we’re faced with
people who tell us what we should become. Most people always decide what the
want to do based on money. It’s not always about money it’s about what you want
deep down in your heart and unless you find that you wont have true

Oh I swear this town gets smaller everyday,
and I’m waitin for my chance.

I’m gonna break away.
I’m so sick and tired of being told what’s good for
People got lots of ideas, of who I’m supposed to be.

I’m afraid that I’m not going to follow my heart and therefore never find
true happiness. Is it wrong to fear the future because you’re scared that you
might not follow the plans that God has for you? If all roads lead to the same
path then what is it that we are going to learn if we take the wrong one? Will
we learn anything? Or will we just waste all that time because we we’re too
stupid to follow our heart to begin with?

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the
path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they’re
worth taking
Lovin’ might be a mistake
But it’s worth making
Don’t let
some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing

So many questions that I ask and the answer I can never find. So many ideas I
have of what I want, but in reality I don’t know what I want. Am I being
selfish, or too gullable to make up my own mind? Everything is so easy to
second-guess and ironically it’s so easy to screw-up. There’s only one word I
can think of that I will get out of this whole mental process and that is

Until next time…


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