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You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin’ as it flows
And a
dreamer’s just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn
from what’s behind you
And never knowing what’s in store
Makes each day a
constant battle
Just to stay between the shores…and

I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the
wind
These waters are my sky
I’ll never reach my destination
If I never
try
So I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry

Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
‘Til what we
put off ’til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don’t you sit upon the
shoreline
And say you’re satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare
to dance the tide…yes

I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the
wind
These waters are my sky
I’ll never reach my destination
If I never
try
So I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry

There’s bound to be rough waters
And I know I’ll take some falls
But
with the good Lord as my captain
I can make it through them all…yes

I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the
wind
These waters are my sky
I’ll never reach my destination
If I never
try
So I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry

Yes, I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry
‘Til the river runs
dry

So what if I always find myself settling for the path of least resistance
and always sitting upon the shoreline? I will forever be burried in the legacy
of everyone else.

I just want to get out of this small town and breakaway. There is so many
limitations of what I can and can’t do. I want to be my own person, and start
living for who I am. Everytime I find myself saying these things I find myself
second-guessing them once again. What am I thinking? I can’t leave behind my
family, and my friends. There’s only one thing that’s keeping me from the
military right now, and if she wasn’t there, I’d be shipping out to Texas for
bootcamp right after high school. I say this and I’m like “What am I doing?”
“Who I am?” Even if that person wasn’t in my life and I was leaving for
bootcamp, the only reason I’d be there in the first place is for all the wrong
reasons. It’d be escaping the things and problems that bother me the most. If I
was to run away now, I’d be running away the rest of my life. I want to get away
to at least figure out my life on my own, but if I figure out the rest of my
life on my own and I get used to being alone, will I be alone the rest of my
life because I’m afraid to let someone come in a ruin those plans and dreams? Is
being alone what I really want? Is going into the military what I really want?
Is escaping what I really want? WHAT IS IT THAT I WANT? Am I being selfish
because I don’t know what I want or too stupid to realize what I want is right
in front of me?

So many questions….

Ever since I started training as an Explorer at the fire department I
couldn’t think of anything but firefighting. Ever since then I could see myself
as being a firefighter and nothing else. People would always ask me what I
wanted to be, I’d say a firefighter or sometimes nothing at all. Afraid of
people laughing in my face and saying, “Oh that’s no real job” or “Why would you
want to do that, that doesn’t pay money.” I know it isn’t always about the
money, and firefighting is a real job. How can it not be a real job saving
people’s lives everyday to get payed little to nothing, and get no recognition
for what you do?

Everyone’s saying why don’t you do firefighting, it’s what has stuck through
all the other ideas of what you’ve wanted to be. Sure, that’d be the most
obvious one to go with, but what if that’s not what God wants. Sometimes what
you want isn’t nessicarily what God wants for you. If I do do that, what if I’m
not great at it? What if I fail? Is it normal to have this much fear as to what
I should do, or this many questions as to what I should decide? So much
second-guessing, this can’t be healthy.

There’s so many questions and very little answers. It’s going back and forth,
I feel like I’m watching a basketball game. In a basketball game, don’t they
score points? When am I going to make a basket? Just for once I wish I could
call a time out to catch my breath. Not now, we’re in overtime. Two points down
with :05 seconds left on the clock. What are we going to do? We going to charge
the net? Pass it? Shoot a three-pointer to win, or settle for what we know we
can do and go into another overtime? What is it that we’re going to do? Are we
going to settle for the road of least resistance or venture down the path of the
“Road Less Traveled?” What is it that the little voice inside your head is
telling you? Is it telling you to do the opposite of what your coach says
because you know what your capabilites are, or is it telling you to follow his
lead and trust in others to learn about teamwork? Are the referees the obstacles
that are in our way, or is it our stubborness that keeps setting us back? Is it
our pierced ego that keeps allowing the other team to get foul shots, or is it
our willingness to see others succeed? Why is it we only romanticize the
good and never the bad?

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