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Monthly Archives: May 2006

It’s true what they say about everyone acting weird the last two weeks before
graduation.

I hate change!

1 week until I graduate, kinda
scary!

Sunday: Graduate Recognition at church, Luncheon for
Seniors provided by the church, the Bacclaurette for the school.

Monday:
Review for Finals, Final in 3rd block

Tuesday: Exams in 1st block and
cookout in 3rd block.

Wednesday: Exams in 2nd and 4th block,
Church.

Thursday: Graduation practice at 9:00 a.m.; Family starts coming
in from out of town.

Friday: Graduation practice at 9:00 a.m.; Decorate
for Party and get stuff set up.

Saturday: GRADUATION DAY; Seated in the
gym for Senior breakfast at 7:00 a.m., Graduation starts at 9:00 a.m. (march
down to the football stadium); Party starts at 2:00 p.m.

Sunday: Church

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As I pause to reflect over the past few years of my life I can’t help but to
think that my life has been truly blessed, even though I’ve complained about the
littlest things and how hard life’s been. While thinking about these past four
years of my life and how hard I thought they were, I could now kick myself for
having complained in the first place. In fourth block the other day, my teacher
made my class write down four pieces of advice (from experience) to leave behind
to upcoming freshmen. Only being allotted five minutes at the end of class to
collect our thoughts and write it down, I only got two of my four done. One
being “Make the best of it while you can, because time flies by too quickly.
Don’t skip out on school thinking you have better things to do, because you’ll
find yourself coming back when it’s too late.” and the other being, “Always be
thankful for how well you have it, because there is always someone out there
that has it worse. When you think you can’t go on, find it within yourself to
pick up and move on. You’ll always
succeed.”
All the times that I’ve complained about my mom
and how she’s gotten on my nerves or how I’ve griped about how she always
complains about the things I don’t do, or don’t do correctly. I think about it
now and how much she’s impacted my life, and think how much she loves me.

I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for her. I practically grew up
without a father. Now I say this making it sound worse than it seems. I have a
dad, he was there coaching mine or my brothers ball games, and umpired and stuff
like that. He was never “there, there” when I could have used that father
figure. He divorced my mother back when I was twelve. I never had him there for
the things that meant the most in my life. He wasn’t there during the hardest
years of my life. He left my mother to raise us, would always lapse on the child
support (still does for that fact) and left my mother to work 3 full-time jobs
and still uphold the responsiblities as a normal house mom; cook, clean,
laundry, and finish raising two kids during their teenage years. So all the
times that I’ve found myself complaining about how hard she is on me, or the
things that she does (that she SHOULD do) I now
could kick myself for, because I constantly fought with her while she was doing
what she was supposed to do. I want to be just like her, she’s a very strong
person and has gotten me to where I am today. There may be a few things I would
do differently, but that’s something I have to do myself.
This past year
I found myself basically friendless. Sure I had friends, but never a best
friend. I claimed to have a “best friend,” but I really didn’t. So far, it’s
been great; this year that is. God blessed my life more times than one. I’ve
found a permanant home at Line Creek Baptist Church. I’ve made numerous friends
within the youth group, and I have best friend and sister. God even sent me four
other friends that I am thankful for. Without a shadow of a doubt, I know that
I’ve been truly blessed. I was baptized on
April 23, 2006 after finally bringing myself to a state to be able to. About 9
years ago I was supposed to get baptized along with my older brother Chris. My
grandmother was supposed to attend, but she fell sick and we cancelled it. She
was in a hosipital bed for nineteen months and was completely helpless. A stroke
took her mobility and her vision. She had a G-tube, and a catheter. As for her
food, we had to crush it and put it through her G-tube three times a day, every
day until her last. We did everything to avoid putting her in a nursing home.
She stayed in my bedroom and all, and I slept on a cot by her bedside up until
she died. Since the day I was born practically, I slept by her side. Whether it
was in the bed with her, or by her bedside on that cot, I was always in the same
room with her. Ever since she died on January 13, 1998, I could never bring
myself to get baptized, because she was supposed to be there to watch. There has
only been two things that I’ve ever asked for and thats for her to attend my
baptism and graduation. I wont get to have her at either of them. She’s there
watching over, but I just wish I could have her there for both physical longing
and emotional support. Things would be so much different if she were still here.
I know she’s in a better place. My graduation is on May 27, 2006, and I hope
that when I look out into the stands where my family is sitting, I see her there
sitting with them waiting for my name to be called. I wish I could see her face
and see how proud she is of me. I just want her to know I love her, and right
now I’m having a hard time dealing with this and wish she was here.

Overall, I’m complete. This time I actually mean it. So if you ever hear me
complain about how bad I have it. Slap me, and wake me up to
reality.

That’s all I have for now…
I think I’m going to
bed.

So a couple of days ago I received a fortune cookie that said “Time is of the
essence; Make the best of it while you can.” At first I was like “Oh, ok…” and
just put it behind me. On Friday we seniors received our Caps, Gowns, Stoles,
and Tassels and we also took our group photos. It was an emotional day, but a
good one as well. It was so weird putting on the gown and zipping it up for the
first time. Literally we were all standing there as a group and putting on the
gowns, and I remember all of us just stopping as we were zipping it up and
thinking “This is almost it, we’re putting on our caps and gowns.” I was in just
utter disbelief. I was floating on air while still grounded by my inner shock.
(If that makes any sense whatsoever.)

Then Saturday I made all of my
Graduation Invitations and Annoucements, Party Invitations and Directions, and
the Name Cards that go with it. Sunday we stuffed all the envelopes and I had to
lick them all shut. And Today we got them all mailed out in the mail. Once
again, I NEVER would have THOUGHT that it would be ME that was making out MY
GRADUATION INVITATIONS!! MINE, its just “….” speechless.

Today we were
talking and were like 26 more days until we graduate, and I’m like 26 more days
until I leave behind the same exact routine that I’ve slowly grown accustomed
to. 26 more days until I’m never going back to attend a class at ECHS again. 26
more days until it’s ME walking across that football field and not someone else
that gave me the only reason to attend Graduation in the first place. I ACTUALLY
ADMITTED TO MAMA THE OTHER NIGHT THAT I WAS GOING TO MISS SCHOOL… Look how
much a toll graduation has taken on me.

We were in the meeting on Friday
where they issued us our caps and gowns and they told us that we are the largest
class in the history of East Coweta to graduate. I’m thinkin’ “oh great, I’m
like 7th from last to be called.” Then I’m thinkin’ “thats so cool.”

Be
praying for good weather that day as well, because if my graduation gets rained
on then we move into the new gym and I’ll only get 3 to 4 rain tickets. With
that said, I’ll only get to allow 3 or 4 of my family members watch me graduate,
which isn’t fair.

I’ve been highly emotional lately due to several
reasons. There’s a lot going on that most likely no one will or could ever
understand. I want nothing more than for my grandmother to be at my graduation.
That’s something that I always thought she would get to see. Of course she’ll be
there watching from above, and watching over me so I don’t trip and fall flat on
my face as I walk to receive my diploma, but I want her there sitting with my
family, cheering me on. I want to be able to hug her neck afterwards and see the
way she looks at me afterwards. I WANT HER HERE. Not one of my grandparents will
see me graduate, not one. The only thing I’ve ever asked for is for her to see
my get baptized and watch me walk across that football field. She missed my
baptism on April 23rd, and now I wont have her there at graduation. I know when
I wake up that morning, or start getting ready because I most likely wont sleep,
that she’ll be walking beside me, holding my hand, and she’ll be the one holding
me up, helping me stand strong because I wont be strong enough to do it by
myself. I love her, miss her, and want her to know how much I love her and how
things would be different if she were here. I just want her to know that because
I never got to say good-bye.

I think I’m going to go to bed, I have a
long day ahead of me.
I’ll write more later whenever I get another chance
to.