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Tag Archives: Life

It’s the relationship between mother and child
when they’re in the hospital.
It’s what we wake up for each morning
and shows the true meaning why we’re alive.
It’s inside the cancer patient waiting
for the doctor to tell her she’s in remission.
It’s what held a nation together
while terrorism stuck.
It’s in the nine-year old girl
who just lost her grandmother.

It live in each and every one of us;
surviving everyday life.
It’s the applauding that comes
from your parents when your name is called on graduation day.
It’s in the way we speak towards one another.

It’s the work that you do everyday
to try and get by and make ends meet,
To go home to lives that love and trust in you,
to see what God has given you, that makes you trust in HIM.
It’s the reason we wake every morning,
to journey through the maze of life;
— it’s in this room as we speak

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“Never allow someone to be your priority, while allowing yourself to be their option.”

A good friend asked me what my outlook on “love” was.
“The meaning of it, how it’s portrayed, or how it’s supposed to be felt,” I said.

So here it goes…

We all know the answer to love, so what’s the question?
Is it the face of a child? Is it the thrill of danger? Is it the kindness we see in the eyes of a stranger? Is is more than faith? Is is more than hope? Is it waiting for us at the end of our rope? Is it the one you call home? Is it the Holy Land? Is is standing right here holding your hand? Is it just like the movies? Is it the feeling we get when we wake? Is it the first summer storm? Is it the colors of fall? Is it having so little, and yet having it all? Is it a smell that lingers? Is it one in a million? Is it a chance to belong? Is it a song? Is it a veil? Is it a cross? Is it the poet’s gift? Is it making you laugh? Is it letting you cry? Is it where we believe that we go when we die? Is it how you were made? Is it your mother’s ghost? Is it in each one of us? Is it God? Is it in a smile? Is it the past? Last but not least; Is it nothing but everything at all?

So what is love’s purpose?
Defining purpose would be defining actions. Each action is remotely driven from purpose. What is your purpose? What is the reason you belong? The world is purpose, it evolves. Love evolves, people evolve. The purpose of love is a saving grace. Without it America would be populationless, compassion wouldn’t exist. Love is evolving, love is the world.

“There is a fundamental human need for guiding ideals that give meaning to our actions”

How is love supposed to feel?
Love is a sensory — You see it through your eyes, feel it on your tongue, taste it on your lips, smell it in the air, hear it in a voice. Love is an emotion — felt with your heart, spoken from the lips, written from the palms, envisioned with your eyes. Love is an expression, an attraction, a desire. A predilection, an action, a play on words. I can’t define how love is supposed to feel, just how it can be felt. Love is personal, unique, and sacred. Love is an interpretation, perceptive by multitudes of things; perceptual of all human kind.

My Outlook on “love”
I think love was made to be undefined. I think its in everything I view, no matter how scarred, how battered, how bruised. It lives in every day life, its in this room as we speak. Love is all things; it’s not prejudice. No matter how complicated or how simple — love is love, and that’s the only way to define it. It’s the single most organic emotion, the single most organic action. Love is an opportunity, will you let it be heard, shown, and felt?

————

As a conclusion — defining love is harder than you think 🙂

As a reply to my previous post titled “First Week of Classes,” things have abruptly changed. Tution really was too much, topping out at over $15,000. Even with loans from the government (subsidized & unsubsidized) to pay back after I graduated college, I was still looking to fork out over $4,000 dollars out of pocket each semester. In my opinion, that’s just too much for one to have to pay to get a quality education. When I was at West Central Technical College tuition was only $450 dollars, full-time, and I was paid $1,200 each quarter.

So Monday, yes Labor Day, I withdrew from Brewton-Parker and yesterday I made a trip to take all of my books back that needed to be returned. As of right now everything has been credited back to me. I withdrew in time to get 100% tuition back, so in turn it will not mess up my financial aid. As of right now, the main campus located out in Mt. Vernon, Ga. has everything credited to my account except for the other half of the external programs fee. If they don’t have it fixed by tomorrow morning I will have to make a phone call to them. The only great thing about the program itself, or rather I say school, was the convenience. I was on track to get my Bachelor’s Degree in 3 years with all classes offered at night. Everything else was a drawback; tuition, limited degree majors, etc.

Overall, it’s been for the best. I’m currently enrolled back at West Central Tech full-time to start in October. I have Psychology, Intro. to Health care, and CIS. Come Winter quarter I’ll have all of my core classes out of the way in order to start in the Surgical Technology program. I can’t wait. Only setback to that is getting my work to allow me to work nights in order to do the classes in the day. That’s another matter that we’ll tackle at a later date.

— ‘Til next time

Well the first week of classes are off to a great start. Monday I had Music Apps — the teacher is hilariouis. More dorky hilarious than anything else. You should hear her techno-beat for music played in a gym 🙂 Great personalities among the class, we all like to laugh so that makes the time go by faster, which is good. 5 hours in a Music Apps class can be boring to me. I feel like I’m relearning everything I already know, which can be monotonous. I’m the only one in there with a musical background, which is ok. Lot’s of music history knowledge when it comes to artists and things in there, which makes for insightful discussion. The class will hopefully be a breeze; the way she stated it, we can turn in our final paper with our names on it and still pass. Ok by my book, but mine will be the whole assignment length. I’m thinking about doing the Hip-Hop genre (Rap – Lies = Hip Hop).

College Seminar and Experience (2 different classes) were Wednesday. Nothing really much to say about those other than they’re practically the same class, but are offered seperately. The two books are almost identical in stories. We have to read those and do the unit assignments basically and keep portfolios for each. Thankfully she said that since it is the same class we don’t need to stay 2.5 hours extra to read the same materials twice. So that was an added plus. The Experience class is all semester long but starting in October it goes through email correspondence only, which is fine by me. That means that the second session classes I’ll only have to travel two nights instead of three. Gas can be a killer. We have a pretty good group of folks in that class as well. I actually know one of the others, Mrs. Mary. I went to school with some of her kids as did my brother, Chris. She’s a good lady. We talked after class, told me to tell Mama hello for her. Another person in there is also in my Music App class, so that’s pretty cool. Come to know, she’ll also be in my College Writing class as well as Intro. to Old testament. Her and I’ll be pushin’ through the whole semester together, which makes it worthwhile to know you have someone else in the same shoes. The teacher isn’t really anything special; Female. I know her husband. He used to teach at both EC and now CEC.
Overall, the classes went well — better than any of the others I’ve had. We’ll see how next week goes.

Check back.

’til next time —

Patellofemoral instability

Patellofemoral instability or recurrent patellar subluxation is a variant of patellofemoral syndrome in which there is actual lateral subluxation of the patella rather than excessive lateral tracking. It is more common in females than males. Patients with patellofemoral instability complain of a sensation of the patella slipping or moving laterally on certain movements. When this occurs acutely, it may be associated with pain and swelling. This condition has the same predisposing factors as patellofemoral syndrome and the pattern of tenderness around the patella may be similar. Examination reveals patellar hypermobility with apprehension and pain when the patella is pushed laterally by the examiner. If there has been an acute episode there may be hemarthrosis or effusion. Patella alta (a patella that is located more superiorly than normal) and/or dysplasia of the femoral groove predispose to this condition.

Treatment of patellofemoral instability parallels that of the patellofemoral syndrome. Acute management aims to reduce pain and swelling. A brace may provide temporary immobilization and the patient may use crutches for either partial or nonweightbearing. Rehabilitation requires vastus medialis obliquus strengthening.

X-ray may reveal evidence of osteochondral damage to the articular surface of the patella and femur as well as any predisposing anatomical abnormalities, such as patella alta. Arthroscopy may be required to remove a loose osteochondral fragment.

Surgery is indicated if a properly managed conservative program fails. Arthroscopic lateral release and medial plication may be appropriate for a patient with recurrent patellar subluxation. Following surgery, an intensive rehabilitation program is vital.

This is basically the on going problems with my knee — I had a cortisone shot put in on Wednesday, hurt like hell, need I mind you.

If this doesn’t work — and so far, its a no go. I will have to have arthroscopic surgery. Finally, hopefully something will come of this. All the physical therapy done, and the years suffering and hurting. I’m ready to get this done and over with. So come Thanksgiving/Christmas I’m pretty much going to have a bum leg, but in the end it’ll be worth it.

Here's for the Dreamers

Dream Big -- Dream Large -- For our dreams are all we have!

Here´s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things
differently. They´re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for
the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them,
disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can´t
do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They
imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push
the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you
stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and
hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and
see a laboratory on wheels? We make tools for these kinds of people.
While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the
people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the
ones who do.

So I was reading my previous post, “Shocked,” and read that it said I had 8 months until I was getting married and what plans I had left to affix to the debt I would undertake myself in planning a wedding to someone who didn’t deserve me at my worst, nor at my best. It’s amazing how time flies and how fastwe make our trip around the sun. Two days before the wedding date and I’m so glad to be able to sit here and say that I’m not getting married. This is beyond the wisest of all decisions made yet in my short 20 (almost 21) years on this gracious earth. Time works out the finest details about who you are, what you want in life, and who in this lifetime matters most to you. I figured this would be a good notary point of reflection and also a good place to pick back up with blogging.

Life’s great once you weed out all of the bad seeds. If you have too many
weeds in a garden it strangles everything else. Same thing with life. Upon weeding out the bad seeds I’ve found myself able to love again, laugh again, and smile all the time. I’m in college pursuing a degree to better myself and provide a future and foundation for where ever God takes me. I have belief in more things than I ever had before; Especially myself. Self-esteem is something I’ve never had but I find myself gaining it little by little. With massive dedication and love along the way, I find myself bound for great things. I know
it sounds like something out of a children’s book about the places you’ll go; but I feel as if I’m on top of the world at times. Substance doesn’t filter my highs; life does.

I’m glad where my life ended up, and yes, even through the hardship life handed me in 2007. I’ve learned a lot and grown even more. Trials and tribulations build the path in order for us to be able to look back and reflect
on. Without a path; you have no story. There’s a story in each of us; in lives within your soul. Will you let it be heard?

Two Thousand Seven:

The Year of Great Attributes and Disheartening Upsets

By: Rebekah Wigley

In the year two thousand and seven, life had many great attributes and a lot of disheartening upsets. I learned many things that only begin to defy who I am as a person. Understanding the world is a relatively hard task for some, but others are faced with multitudes of distress trying to figure out their place within it. Defining yourself is much more than telling someone who you are, what you do, or where you’re from. It’s a sense of  accomplishment for some and even heartbreak for others. I’m a firm believer in a higher power on this earth and that you’re only given situations that you can handle.

As we walk through life following a narrow path we begin to question so many things and who we are as a person. I’ve learned a lot within the containment of four walls and the stillness of the night. Everything we do in life echoes in eternity but even louder in the quiet demur of the night. There are so many standards and inequalities in life with every piece of it stacked up against you. Powerful overstatements and minuscule idiosyncrasies are what brainwashes us as Americans. It’s true what they say, time can play tricks on you. Here we are, it’s two thousand and eight and were seven days in. The hopes for a new start are ever willing but it’s all still the same. As we embarked on a new year things stayed the same, and life went on. The ball dropped as the clock struck twelve. For the hopes of some for a better year were only struck with the roll over of another digit to add to the age that classifies us as people. What makes a new year so different? Since the start of this one I’ve seen the ups and downs. I had a friend lose his mother, another friend is awaiting the death of her aunt, Soldiers are still in Iraq fighting this war that for some doesn’t seem worth it at all, and the economy of America hasn’t changed. I started my new job, but I’m still in the same place I was before. Mom is still struggling; this makes the eighth year in a row. We could tip our glasses to good health but who even has that any more?

Another truth; Time is a murder and a healer. January 13th marks the tenth year anniversary since the suffered death of my beloved grandmother. As time drags on, I’ve only seen myself grieve the loss of her more and more. The situation with my “father” and my parents divorce doesn’t haunt me like it once did and things have gotten a little better with him. The scars that one masked my body from my four-wheeler wreck are slowing diminishing from my skin. But mostly, my personality and self esteem has healed to great extents from previous instances in my life.

Fact: There will come a time in your life where you’ll have to make a decision based solely on your well-being and you’ll have to ignore your heart. Result: You will be battered, bruised, and broken but you will learn more about yourself in that instance than you will in every day life. Life is your battlefield, choose the ground you walk upon, and never lose sight of the small things. Be who you are, stand behind it, and evolve as a human being. Although, love bears all things; relationships are only what you make of them. Fight for what you believe in and be the change. Minimalism is greater than materialism and life is just another reminder of that. Don’t be afraid to stand out from a crowd and wear your heart on your sleeve.

This past year has taught me a great deal. I wear my heart on my sleeve and always get hurt, but I’ve trudged through my battles and I have what I need in life. If I had an open view of the characteristics of my heart there’s no telling what image it would depict. Although it may be a horrific sight, the stitching of scars have only become minor details of who I am. Putting all the pieces back together and moving forward with my life has been one of the most trying experiences I’ve had to face. I’ve been used, wounded, jaded, and hurt but then again I look to one of the most prized possessions in my life and see that I was blessed, appreciated, and loved for who I am. Finding my way through life’s maze is a treacherous path, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I have someone walking beside me every step of the way and wants to share in not only the highs but the lows as well. No matter how many times your heart breaks, there is always that one person you can let see the scars. When you do, they help heal the stitches and tape up all the cuts. A very inspirational person once said, “Let them see the cracks in your armor. Let your light be seen in order for others to find their way. “Having the power to liberate yourself is beyond the most invigorating emotion known to man. Having the ability to set your heart free is having the courage to follow it.

In life, nothing is certain but living behind walls has put me at a place where I never want to end up again. Having someone brave enough to pulverize them in order to love you is the most courageous thing one could do as a selfless act. I owe a debt of gratitude to a certain someone for saving me from myself. Being able to showcase myself once again showed me that not all people are one and the same; there are genuine people left in this world. Just know I would go to the end of the world and back for you. I love you. Being able to share the unlikely events in one’s life with someone and having a bond so strong to hold dear to your heart is enough to unmask all the scars and heal all the stitched wounds that once dismantled a poetic soul. For one to say they’re not powerful beyond means are robbing their self of greatest gift in life. People look to other’s for guidance. Having the selflessness to show the cracks in your armor means you’re genuine enough to saves one life. A quote to live by: “You’re only as strong as people you surround yourself with.” No matter what one may speak of oneself, they’re more powerful beyond belief. It’s amazing to think how powerful one can be by surrounding their self with the most compelling people. Bestowing love upon a person is enough to save them from their darkest hours and their deepest fears. Take the time out to listen to what people have to say. It’s amazing what can happen when you just lend an ear.

I refer to life as a mountain range; hilltop crests, benevolent valleys, beautiful scenery, and dangerous paths that were made to hike. No matter what story has been told and no matter what people say, the ending is always different. What lies behind us and what lies in front of us is nothing compared to what lies within us. Everyone dreams of their “mountain top experience.” I don’t understand why there are boundaries to how many we are allowed to have, for there are countless ranges left to hike. Life is filled with so many things that mold the people of who we evolve into and become. My wish for the world is limitless “mountain top experiences” and the opportunity to seek them. If you stick by and take the path that was chosen for you, you’ll grow as a person and you’ll learn multitudes about your will and testament in life. Be profound; refer to yourself as a masterpiece. God made us a canvas and I’m a coat of many colors.

Today, Uncle Greg took Nicholas to the psychiatrist. I was trying to catch some sleep when my mom came in and told me that the psychiatrist found out that his special ed. teacher has been abusing him. He’s autistic as most know and has an infatuation with cuss words. It’s just a part of his condition and when he gets stuck on something, he can’t quit. Popping him only makes it worse so ignoring it is the best thing we can do. The teacher already made comments to my Uncle that every time she hears him say it while in class that she just wants to pop him on the butt for it. My Uncle told him DON’T because it only makes it worse. Well, come to think about it, she couldn’t or isn’t supposed to anyway. We’ll I take it she found an alternative way to “punish” him, because while at the psychiatrist, they found the marks on my baby boy’s little wrist. They asked him about it and Nicholas told him that she would use a “stretchy band” every time I would say a bad word. He may be autistic, but he’s a total genius. The Shrink immediately called the school’s principal and they said they didn’t want to deal with a lawsuit, to go ahead and report the teacher to DEFACS. Surprisingly enough, the teacher didn’t show up for school today; she called out sick. Needless to say, I about went up to the school and handled the matter myself, but was told not to, of course. I’m furious on this matter. Not only do we have to worry about sending our kids to school these days due to gangs, drugs, and everything of that nature; but now we can’t even trust our own educators. How pathetic is that. My kids will definitely be home-schooled.

Other than that though, nothing spectacular happening in life right now. When I get home from work at 8:30 in the morning I’m going back to work on the fence-line. By tomorrow night, I hope and pray that the front will be finished and the gates hung. Keep your fingers crossed!!! I’m still pulling graveyard at Hart-line, hoping and praying I can find something else real soon; it’s getting beyond ridiculous. In 5 months time I have not gotten one weekend day off, been cheated out of two raises, and get treated like shit.

Oh well, we’ll have to see what happens. We’ll it’s 3:34, and I’m getting tired. Guess I’ll go catch a few zzz’s on their time and get paid to sleep 🙂 Sounds good to me.

Update: Can you believe it’s been like a year and a half since my last post…wow.