Quote of the day:

“Never allow someone to be your priority, while allowing yourself to be their option.”

Eye-Opener —

So I was reading my previous post, “Shocked,” and read that it said I had 8 months until I was getting married and what plans I had left to affix to the debt I would undertake myself in planning a wedding to someone who didn’t deserve me at my worst, nor at my best. It’s amazing how time flies and how fastwe make our trip around the sun. Two days before the wedding date and I’m so glad to be able to sit here and say that I’m not getting married. This is beyond the wisest of all decisions made yet in my short 20 (almost 21) years on this gracious earth. Time works out the finest details about who you are, what you want in life, and who in this lifetime matters most to you. I figured this would be a good notary point of reflection and also a good place to pick back up with blogging.

Life’s great once you weed out all of the bad seeds. If you have too many
weeds in a garden it strangles everything else. Same thing with life. Upon weeding out the bad seeds I’ve found myself able to love again, laugh again, and smile all the time. I’m in college pursuing a degree to better myself and provide a future and foundation for where ever God takes me. I have belief in more things than I ever had before; Especially myself. Self-esteem is something I’ve never had but I find myself gaining it little by little. With massive dedication and love along the way, I find myself bound for great things. I know
it sounds like something out of a children’s book about the places you’ll go; but I feel as if I’m on top of the world at times. Substance doesn’t filter my highs; life does.

I’m glad where my life ended up, and yes, even through the hardship life handed me in 2007. I’ve learned a lot and grown even more. Trials and tribulations build the path in order for us to be able to look back and reflect
on. Without a path; you have no story. There’s a story in each of us; in lives within your soul. Will you let it be heard?

Shocked —

Today, Uncle Greg took Nicholas to the psychiatrist. I was trying to catch some sleep when my mom came in and told me that the psychiatrist found out that his special ed. teacher has been abusing him. He’s autistic as most know and has an infatuation with cuss words. It’s just a part of his condition and when he gets stuck on something, he can’t quit. Popping him only makes it worse so ignoring it is the best thing we can do. The teacher already made comments to my Uncle that every time she hears him say it while in class that she just wants to pop him on the butt for it. My Uncle told him DON’T because it only makes it worse. Well, come to think about it, she couldn’t or isn’t supposed to anyway. We’ll I take it she found an alternative way to “punish” him, because while at the psychiatrist, they found the marks on my baby boy’s little wrist. They asked him about it and Nicholas told him that she would use a “stretchy band” every time I would say a bad word. He may be autistic, but he’s a total genius. The Shrink immediately called the school’s principal and they said they didn’t want to deal with a lawsuit, to go ahead and report the teacher to DEFACS. Surprisingly enough, the teacher didn’t show up for school today; she called out sick. Needless to say, I about went up to the school and handled the matter myself, but was told not to, of course. I’m furious on this matter. Not only do we have to worry about sending our kids to school these days due to gangs, drugs, and everything of that nature; but now we can’t even trust our own educators. How pathetic is that. My kids will definitely be home-schooled.

Other than that though, nothing spectacular happening in life right now. When I get home from work at 8:30 in the morning I’m going back to work on the fence-line. By tomorrow night, I hope and pray that the front will be finished and the gates hung. Keep your fingers crossed!!! I’m still pulling graveyard at Hart-line, hoping and praying I can find something else real soon; it’s getting beyond ridiculous. In 5 months time I have not gotten one weekend day off, been cheated out of two raises, and get treated like shit.

Oh well, we’ll have to see what happens. We’ll it’s 3:34, and I’m getting tired. Guess I’ll go catch a few zzz’s on their time and get paid to sleep 🙂 Sounds good to me.

Update: Can you believe it’s been like a year and a half since my last post…wow.

Love & Insecurities

“As we grow up, we learn that even the one person
that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have
your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time.
You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things
an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll
eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too
much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds
you spend upset is a minute
of happiness you’ll never get back.” — AnonymousHave
you ever wondered where you’ll end up ten years down the road if for
every two steps you take forward it only sets you back five more?
There’s trials and tribulations that each person have to face and only
they can figure out why they encounter such rocky paths. For every
situation where you feel like you’re going to fall and scrape your knee
do you hold back and not face it, or do you come out on the other end
with scars as souvenirs. For every battle you’ve encountered,
conquered, and persevered did you enjoy it while it lasted or did you
bad mouth it because it was the hardest thing you ever accomplished?

For
every time fault was thrown your way did you blame yourself or did you
blame the other party? For every mountain you have climbed did you
acclaim all the power or did you say God helped me? Humans contradict
their every movements through pressure to fit in. The only real murder
is rejection of another life. Is is so hard that you have to look a
certain way just to fit in or wear a certain brand just to have a
status in life. Why do we have different classes to justify a citizen?
Is it true that if everyone else is wearing a red shirt and you wear a
yellow one you are not allowed to sit at the same table as them? Is it
so hard for humans to unify theirselves even if one person is mentally
challenged and the other one is a profound genius? Why is it that
humans dismantle diversity? I don’t think that parents teach their kids
to conform to a certain label while growing up.

Why can’t all
humans have the beliefs of a kid. Kids have the innocence to change the
world. Why is it that their innocence is corrupted at such a young age?
If each person believed that anything is possible would we be more
secure with ourselves in order to love our neighboring stranger? Would
another human disown us if we believed as children do? Believing in
things of innocence does not forsake our meaning as adults. Why is it
that humans have so many insecurites? Is this becoming the trend of a
new decade? Why is it so hard to let the one’s we love in? Is it the
insecurities that keeps us out, or is it the only thing we know how to
do in order to protect ourselves? If we let insecurities ruin our
lives what does that say for our kids’ future?

— Bekah